Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Fed up with Internet tom foolery I head down to the strip to try my luck there. I get a non-incident trip, head north on I-15, exit at Spring Mountain and decide to park at my usual spot, Treasure Island. No sense hitting the valet as the walk, which is way shorter than crossing the strip and parking at Venetian, will do me good on two accounts. I can do that visualization going in and I can review my session on the way back, either lamenting or telling myself how cool I really am.

I get to the Venetian and put my name on the $1/2 list. I'm 5th on said list. I walk around and check out the action, particularly the donks playing $5/10, you know, those with money to burn but really average at best, getting eaten up by the locals. I also see and of course flirt with my favorite cocktail waitress and my favorite dealer.

Soon enough they call my name. I get send to a temporary table in the corner and see I'm about to be the big blind. I shout to the dealer, "deal me in," and surprisingly he gives me cards while he yells, "chips on table 49."

I scurry over to my seat and see that seven of the nine players have more than the $300 buy-in. I wave off the chip runner and ask the Indian (middle eastern) dude if I can trade one $100 bill for chips. He does and so I have 20 redbirds and two $100 bills in play, the table maximum.

By the time I get the chips and look at my dealt cards, Ad Qd mind you, the action is around to me and there are 4 limpers and the SB has completed. Now as most of you who have played live in Vegas know, there is a certain bet to chase out those who will limp call, and of course as soon as one does they all pile on so at this point I'm not sure what the number is so I just check my option.

Really I could make it $25 but as I mentioned I'm not sure of this table and I in no way want to play the first hand OOP for $125 in preflop.

Flop 9d 6d 2d. Wow.

SB makes it $15. I call right away hoping for a reraise so I can go right over the top. The Indian dude calls and three of us see the turn. Ts.

$75 in the pot the SB makes it $50. Well, first hand what do I do here. I decide to just call hoping there will be some more action around the table. Indian dude calls and we see the river.


$225 in the pot.

SB shoves for $500.

I am fairly certain I have Ad Qd but I'll look one more time just to make sure. Yup I have the nuts.

So I call. Indian dude folds and SB turns over Kd Jd for the 2nd nuts. Woot Woot, or BOOOOM, or Roar, or Choo CHoo. A quick $400 right away.

Three hands later in the CO I get Ad Kd and I raise the two limpers to $15. The BB calls as does on limper. The is Kh 4d 3d. The BB donk bets $30 and the limper calls. I make it $130. The SB shoves, the limper calls and I have to call with the flush redraw and TP. SB turns over Ks Js and with no help I take his money too.

I've been there four hands and I'm up almost $700. Am I hot or what? So now the debate wages in my mind, do I try to win more, do I have a couple cocktails maybe, do I pack my shit up and head to the crib, or wait, wait, do I take some profit and go bang a hot escort?

First thing I do is order a drink. A drink will always make me think straight right. HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHH. I fold with shitty cards for another couple orbits and I order another drink.

Now the cocktail waitress that has eyes for me has just started her shift, and the sexy as all get up masseuse girl who totally digs me is only halfway through her shift so with a two cocktail buzz, $700 in winnings, and tired of rubbing them out I get a brilliant idea...escort time.

Now this isn't the time for my usual nineteen year old latina or college student, slender and petite, I'm seriously ready to roll so I dig in deep in my phone and find just the answer.


Twenty four, 5'8 145 36DD natural, and best of all English. Not English like we try to speak but straight from the brothels of Manchester. Best of all Mel is an incall, so I can hit that on the way home.

I call Mel up and as my luck has been going on this night she is available. I tell her to pour my specialty, vodka rocks splash of cran don't hurt it. On my way I pop a 10mg lortab for my buzz and also for my long lasting pleasure.

Two drinks at Venetian, a 10mg lortab, and also a cocktail at Mel's is not only for the buzz, but the combo also makes me fuck like a Porn Star. I'm not trying to be an insert and squirt minute man but I want to revel in my winnings, shake off all the harm of running bad online, and feel like a real man without having to slump bust.

Mel, is happy to see me with my cocktail in hand and we get down to business. $200 of my winnings cash American buys everything but the booty hole and I can also opt to kiss her, gambling that the earlier clients didn't blow in her mouth.

I'm feeling good for a change and not some donkey online player, drunk and losing as I chase the BBT3 or the bodonkey or whatever cash game I can take a bad beat at.

Be the ball Donnie. Drive for show putt for dough.

And I proceed, and not only in my own mind, to fuck like a porn star. From behind, reverse cowboy without the camera, side saddle, pile driver, I'm hitting Mel like there is no tomorrow. My shit is rock hard, like granite or steel, or what ever is the latest and greatest in comob metals.

Good thing she's a sturdy one as I'd probably of really hurt that nineteen year old one hundred pound latina which is my choice. Anyway, I bang and I bang and I bang some more, really full of myself and my staying power. Poor Mel is not used to the passion and the stay power and she is begging me to be done already. I get a clock reading and see I'm down to ten minutes left so I ease myself out of her, take of the condom and blow the biggest load of my life all over not just her tits but her face too.

I tipped her an extra $25 but she asked I don't come back on the clock. Does that mean she wants me on the side? Time will tell.

It was nice to get out, it was nice to destroy live and it was nice to destroy Mel too.

Life is good here in Vegas. I can't wait to see you all when you make it out here.


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At 9:04 AM, Blogger Gadzooks64 said...

Urban Legend quality adventure there.


At 9:44 AM, Blogger donkeypuncher said...

Freakin' awesome

At 10:12 AM, Blogger StB said...

Sounds like you channelled Daddy to write this post. Good choice on taking door number 3.

At 12:09 PM, Blogger Fuel55 said...

Try to keep Weak out of trouble ...

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Eric a.k.a. Bone Daddy said...

wow, you made my day, life is good

At 12:50 PM, Blogger mookie99 said...

In your case women are indeed the rake.

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Joe Speaker said...

That was awesome.

One quibble, however. You did not have the nuts on the AdQd hand. You had what we here in L.A. like to call "The Chris Hanel Nuts."

(5d4d would have been the nuts)

At 1:14 PM, Blogger Instant Tragedy said...


Yeeeee HAW!

Stop bothering the man about what's the nuts!

Miami Don is the NUT!

Nothing better than blowing profits the RIGHT Way!

At 1:49 PM, Blogger BadBlood said...

Awesome story.

Now, try this experiment. Do things in reverse:

Drink, escort, poker.

See how well you do. :)

At 2:20 PM, Blogger Riggstad said...

Live poker is soooo much better!!!

At 2:29 PM, Blogger Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo said...

Wtg don. That whole story is the nuts right there. Can't wait to get out there in a couple of weeks, and not to have to sit in my hotel room on Saturday night playing in the BBT3 ToC.

Your "fictional" stuff has always sparked my interest the most.

At 9:11 PM, Blogger Alan aka RecessRampage said...

This is so awesome. I was laughing, pretty much the entire post.

At 1:05 PM, Blogger Shrike said...


At 1:55 PM, Blogger CC said...

Ready for the second episode when you lose three buy-in's and only have thirteen dollars when you drive home...

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Weak Player said...

This post is an obvious fraud; Don's cards are never good.

At 2:54 PM, Blogger $mokkee said...

vegas is rigged.

At 5:52 PM, Blogger HighOnPoker said...

And THAT is how you write a post...

Fuckin' A, Don. Rock on!

At 4:06 PM, Blogger Bayne_S said...

I can believe Don flopped nut flush but not having board pair on river giving 2p chaser full house gives whole post away as fiction.

Well written tho

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